Noor uses fictional examples to explain the findings and knowledge she has gained from working as a Sex and Relationship Therapist
-12 Steps to Sexual Connection
A little something different today as I welcome Lohani Noor, renowned psychotherapist, “sexpert”, and BBC One’s Sex on the Couch presenter to share with us her thoughts and inspiration behind newly released 12 Steps to Sexual Connection, an Audible original (Oct 29th)
12 Steps to Sexual Connection is a new definitive guide to sexuality offering a holistic view on what makes us sexual beings and helping listeners discover their sexuality and intimacy in a more personal way than ever before.
What’s it about?
An eye-opening exploration of sex, intimacy and relationships today, told by well-known psychotherapist, sexpert, and BBC One’s Sex on the Couch presenter, Lohani Imtiaz Noor.
In 12 Steps of Sexual Connection, Lohani Imtiaz Noor provides a directive guide to sexuality, prompting couples and individuals to look not only at their physical self but also at their internal self, and what connects us intimately to others.
Whilst offering some guidance on sexual performance and the impact of everyday living in a sexual capacity, the book drives listeners to look at sex as a result of accepting and understanding one’s self, and the pleasure and actualisation that comes with this.
[ Guest Post by Lohani Noor ]
After my therapy debut on BBC’s Sex On The Couch, a couples therapy programme I received the wonderful opportunity of writing a book for Audible on relationships, which I snatched up giving birth to the idea of ‘12 Steps to Sexual Connection’.
12 Steps to Sexual Connection was remarkably satisfying to write as in many ways I simply formalised the unspoken and unpredictable aspects of my daily work.
Of all the therapies, individual, group etc, couples is my favourite. The work is a gift and a constant affirmation of the good and the depth of love, kindness and compassion that two people can go to in response of one another.
I am in awe of the bravery people show in tackling relational difficulty. When your relationship has hit difficult times and you’re full of sometimes scared and sometimes angry and hateful feelings, when part of you wants to attack and another part wants to run away, but instead you stay, and let all your vulnerabilities be exposed. You own your behaviours, and you finally ask for the love and acceptance that you need, knowing that you might not get it. That is real bravery.
My experience as a couple’s therapist is that more often than not, couples who allow themselves to acknowledge and work through their difficulties, fare well in developing long term meaningful and sustainable connections, not only in their intimate relationships but in life in general.
Further the full joy of sex is not achieved in the performative physical display which often accompanies ideas of young love. No, it is achieved in the spiritual depths of deep emotional acceptance and surrender.
In the writing of 12 steps to sexual connection I hold the idea that sex in relationship is the fruit borne of relational connectedness. The more you are able to love, accept, tolerate and surrender to one another, the more likely you are to achieve deep and meaningful sex, whatever that sex looks like. When couples no longer want to hold and nurture one another’s bodies its usually because there is some aspect of themselves or their partner that they are disavowing.
Sex is often the first place where stressors in relationship show. And because we are so terrible at talking about sex, the problems can intensify and distort until they feel unresolvable. Luckily, we are organic and resilient and as long as we are alive, we have the capacity to grow and change. My work is often about creating a space where it is ok to say the words. I hold and protect the relationship, while the members of the relationship re negotiate their terms and conditions. Where they grow their relationship and sometimes that growth is in their combined sexuality.
Sexual growth in relationships doesn’t just happen on its own. Like all growth its needs direction, attention and feedback.
We are relational beings and if we want to see a healthy future for humankind we need to invest heavily in developing and understanding relational connectedness.
I am so great full to be in a profession that does not compromise my integrity, that allows me to work deeply with people, to know them in unique ways and to walk with them as they grow.
Before I ever became a therapist, I remember longing to find purpose in my existence, instead of asking ‘what can the universe give me’, I asked ‘what is it that I can give, how can I be in service?’. I found psychotherapy and whole heartedly consider myself to be in the service of humanity. Even if only one person has found peace through therapy with me, then I have found peace also.
Purchase Link – 12 Steps to Sexual Connection
[ Bio ]
Lohani Imtiaz Noor is an experienced relational Psychotherapist with a special interest in psychosexual function. Working with couples, individuals, and groups in private practice, she has over 30 years’ experience of working with people in a supporting capacity, be that socially, educationally or psychologically.
She recently presented the hit BBC programme Sex On The couch, which followed different couples in their therapy sessions as an insight into the immense pressure modern relationships face. During her career she has built a growing media presence appearing on BBC Radio 4 Saturday Live programme, and featuring in Boots Health & Beauty Magazine, and Dezblits an international Asian Magazine, where she offers sex and relationship advice.
Lohani grew up in in a densely populated Asian community in the North of England and currently lives in Manchester where she has lived for the past 24 years.
Twitter – @LohaniNoor