Today I am delighted to welcome the one and only Lady Nicci, aka author Nicola Cassidy, who is joining me for #IrishWritersWed.
Many of you will know Nicola as the face of the fabulous Lifestyle, Parenting and Literary Blog, www.ladynicci.com , but Nicola is also a debut author, with the gorgeous novel December Girl published in October 2017.
Today Nicola has written a very open and honest post about jealousy as a writer.
‘Reading about another writer’s success made me sad. And frustrated. Why has it happened for them? Why not me? Will it ever happen for me?’
Continue reading for more….
Today is Not A Good Day
by Nicola Cassidy
Today is not a good day. The confidence is gone. I don’t know why it’s crept up like this – all the niggles, all the watching, looking in – seeing how other people are doing – better than me. There’s jealousy.
There, I said it. I’m jealous.
When I was on submission and waiting for the world to deliver me a book contract, I had to zone out on many of the darks days. Reading about another writer’s success made me sad. And frustrated. Why has it happened for them? Why not me? Will it ever happen for me?
Then it happened for me.
Delight. And also, a carefulness about revealing the news. Remembering that among all the well wishes, the likes, comments, hearts and thumbs up – there were writers in there who just couldn’t help feel that stab of the same.
Why has it happened for her? When will it be my time?
Do people talk about this? Is this a known thing? I’ve never really discussed it with anyone. Not properly I don’t think. Most of my writerly conversations are very positive, encouraging, and genuinely supportive of other writers. As they should be.
I think the jealousy is an internal, private thing. In the echoes of the mind. Tucked away in the slow moving cogs, where you try to process your emotions, get a handle of them, and turn it into energy to keep going.
Because you have to keep going.
Otherwise, what’s the point?
These are the things I’m learning.
You yearn for so long to sign a book deal. To be published. To be out there.
But what happens after that?
Where next? Who to talk to? Who to reveal your jealous lust?
A lust for success. A lust for stashes of books factory high. A lust for prizes and nominations and longlists and best seller sticker tags.
A lust not so stink, to rot, at the bottom of bargain bins. To never be published again.
I’ve found escaping social media helps. I seek refuge in the piles of books piled high around my writing room. There is no jealousy at my desk, on my bookshelves, in my scrivener files splattered across my desktop.
Here again, I find my inspiration. My aspirations. The absolute need to communicate through the written word.
I write through the emotions and feelings and stories swirling through my head.
I read and am reminded of the pure joy another writer’s words bring to me and my mind.
And then the jealousy is gone. Fleeting. My confidence is back. I can do this. And even if I can’t, I still will.
I’m learning, as with all mature processes, to forgive myself for my feelings. They are part of the human condition and only represent my ambitions, my desire to do well for myself, and my strive to be good, better, best.
There is room for competition in creativity.
And there is always room for kindness. For connection. For admiration and for encouragement. To others, to your peers, to the writers that will never be your peers.
But you can always hope.
Today was not a good day.
But tomorrow might be better.
And even if it’s not, there’s always next week.
The world of publishing moves slowly. I’ll still be here. And so will my notebooks, my pens, my research books and my computer files; filled with my words, that plod in only the way I can drop and spread them on the page.
Some might even be jealous of me… but most won’t.
There are 130 million books published in the world.
More research, less looking at social media.
More reading, it’ll loosen up space to buy more books.
More writing. Proper writing. Prose, short stories, poetry if I must.
I’m so jealous of poets.
December Girl is a tale of family bonds, love, revenge and murder. You can read my review HERE and below is the full blurb from the book cover….
Molly Thomas is a feisty, independent soul, born on the Winter Solstice. At every stage of her life she has faced troubles.
As a young woman her family are evicted from their home at Christmas. Molly swears vengeance on the jealous neighbour and land agent responsible, Flann Montgomery.
Then in 1896 her baby son is taken from his pram. Molly searches the streets for Oliver. The police are called but her baby is gone.
Why does trouble seem to follow Molly? And will she ever find out what happened to her child?
Purchase Link ~ December Girl
About Nicola Cassidy:
Nicola Cassidy is a writer and blogger from Co. Louth, Ireland. She started her writing career early, entering short story competitions, penning protest letters to magazines and making up characters in her head.
Encouraged by her English teachers, she chose to study journalism at Dublin City University.
Nicola signed with US based Trace Literary Agency in 2016. December Girl was picked up by Betsy Reavley at UK digital publisher Bombshell Books in June 2017 and was published 26 October 2017
Website ~ http://nicolacassidy.com/
Twitter ~ @ladynicci
Facebook ~ https://www.facebook.com/ladynicciblog/