‘There’s never a dull moment when you’re working with the stars. One minute you’re sipping champagne with Pierce Brosnan, the next you’re standing in the Ladies’ minding Barbara Windsor’s handbag’ Lisa Mary London
Reality Rehab is the debut novel of Lisa Mary London, a journalist and former reality TV producer. Described as ‘a laugh-out-loud satire on the excesses of reality TV, the book explores the hot topics of modern celebrity, mid-life crisis, tabloid intrusion, the power of social media, body image, banoffee pie and cute-but-vicious handbag dogs!’
Today I am delighted to have the legend that is Miss Gloria Grayson stop by and share with us all the perfect Christmas chez Gloria!!
Faded soap star Gloria Grayson swaps banoffee pie for humble pie with a stint on reality TV. But her last ditch bid to salvage her celebrity backfires, when the ex-husband from hell is sprung on her in front of 10 million viewers.
Can Gloria win back A-list status, happy ever after and her Rear of the Year title? Reality is stranger than fiction!
Faded TV star Gloria Grayson has hit rock bottom. Sacked from her starring role in a top soap, divorced from hell-raising actor ‘Mad’ Tommy Mack, and obese from binge eating, her days as Britain’s sexiest blonde are well and truly over.
But her luck changes when cruel paparazzi photos relaunch her career, and she and her fat, feisty dog are booked to appear on TV’s Reality Rehab.
Gloria is incarcerated with an American psychotherapist, a rabble of D-list celebrities and umpteen cameras, then put on a starvation diet. But worse is to come, with the shock arrival of her alcoholic ex-husband.
Tears and tantrums ensue as the divorced couple’s therapy sessions take over the show, and ratings soar. The other celebrities are infuriated to be sidelined and Reality Rehab fast becomes The Tommy and Glo Show.
But Gloria and Tommy are hiding explosive secrets from each other and 10 million viewers – Reality is stranger than fiction!
Purchase Link ~ Reality Rehab
TV Soap legend Gloria Grayson takes a break from promoting her new memoirs REALITY REHAB, to share her recipe for the perfect Christmas. It’s a surprising list of ingredients, including sausages, Christopher Biggins and a tubby dog called Baby-Girl – Bon Appetit!
Gloria’s Perfect Christmas
When I was the star of Britain’s top TV soap ‘Jubilee Road’, Christmas was such a hectic time, juggling a heavy filming schedule, a star-studded social life, and millions of devoted fans.
I’d love to tell you the story of my dramatic departure from the soap I put at the Number One slot in the ratings, but I’m subject to a gagging clause. All I’ll say is Executive Producer Shirley Hunt (better known to cast and crew as ‘Surly Runt’ – or something similar), is now banished from my Christmas card list. I bear no grudge against her whatsoever, after 20 years on the show, I was ready for pastures new. I totally deny scurrilous tabloid stories I had a lorryload of horse manure delivered to her home address (it was pigs’ dung).
It will be a quieter Christmas this year, without that crazy soap schedule and my equally crazy ex-husband, whom I divorced acrimoniously. My ex, third rate actor and first rate drunk ‘Mad’ Tommy Mack, was a trial at the best of times. But at Yuletide, he was so full of the festive ‘spirit,’ his pub crawls went on for weeks. I would only discover his whereabouts when I found him prostrate in front of the fridge, lying open-mouthed under a gushing wine box. Oh, there are far worse things than being single at Christmas!
I’m a HUGE star, with or without ‘Jubilee Road’, and this Christmas I’ll be throwing my usual celebrity cocktail party. I’ve invited all the gang – Carol Vorderman, Christopher Biggins, Lorraine Kelly and Barbara Windsor, to name just a few. My starry soiree is on every A-lister’s social calendar! Funnily enough no one’s RSVP’ed yet…
I’ve always had Christmas delivered to my door by Fortnum and Mason, but alas this year I’ll have to economise. Myself and my constant companion, pedigree Maltipoo Baby-Girl, will be doing a trolley-dash round Harrods food hall. To ensure we’re not pestered by fans, I’ll be wearing my full length burka with veil, which I bought for a song on Ebay. The burka’s a Godsend to avoid pesky paparazzi too, who seem to be lurking with their long lens every time I accidentally park in a ‘Parent and Child’ space, or forget to pick up some pooch poop.
Those downmarket red-tops are ruthless. I admit I’m a little plumper than in my ‘Jubilee Road’ prime, but that’s no reason to label me ‘Jabba the Slut’! I’m a frequent visitor to my local beauty salon, where Baby-Girl and I book in for weekly pedicures and paw-dicures. And without the discreet services of my fabulous hot-wax specialist, I’d have a beard to rival Father Christmas!
Why is it that as we women age, our hair grows thicker everywhere but our head? As my friend Dame Joan Collins said to me: “When a surgeon invents a ‘bikini line to head’, hair transplant, I’ll be the first one in the stirrups”. Darling Joanie often pops round to my place incognito for a glass of wine and a gossip. The public wouldn’t believe it if they could see her slumped on my sofa in her curlers and Primark onesie, chain smoking roll-ups and picking Pot Noodle out of her teeth. She certainly puts the ‘ick’ in icon!
My fur-daughter Baby-Girl is thoroughly spoiled on Christmas Day, waking up to a stocking full of pork sausages (her heart’s desire) and this year’s must-have, a signed copy of my memoirs REALITY REHAB. Then we sit down to a full English breakfast together, before she opens her presents. She’s in for a treat – she’s getting a brand new ‘Poochmobile’, a cashmere-lined dog buggy I wheel her about town in (Baby-Girl has legs but she doesn’t like to use them).
After turkey with all the trimmings, we’ll watch the Queen’s speech (Baby dreams of marrying a royal Corgi, and becoming an HRH). Then we’ll tuck into a little light supper of sandwiches, sausage rolls, pork pies, poached salmon, a whole baked ham, Beef Wellington, a cheese board, mince pies, Christmas cake, yule log, sherry trifle and wafer thin mints (we have our big blow out on Boxing Day).
Christmas is a time for giving, and as everyone who knows me will tell you – especially Shirley Hunt – I’m the ultimate Giver! Merry Christmas everyone!
Meet the Author:
Lisa Mary London went from Chief Reporter on a sleepy Cotswold newspaper to become Celebrity Producer on some of Britain’s best-loved TV shows. Her TV credits include An Audience with Ken Dodd, A BAFTA Tribute to Julie Walters, The British Comedy Awards and I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! She’s worked with stars from Sir Billy Connolly to Ant and Dec, and her debut novel Reality Rehab features around 200 famous names.
‘There’s never a dull moment when you’re working with the stars’, says Lisa. ‘One minute you’re sipping champagne with Pierce Brosnan, the next you’re standing in the Ladies’ minding Barbara Windsor’s handbag.’
Reality Rehab is based on her real life, behind-the-screen experiences as a Celebrity Producer. ‘I’ve met many old school stars like my book’s protagonist Gloria Grayson, who curse reality TV and think the cast of TOWIE should be stacking shelves at Tesco, not walking the red carpet.
‘She’s a cross between Diana Dors, Boadicea and Miss Piggy, a glorious, garrulous anti-heroine with bags of fattitude – Gloria puts the real in reality TV!’
A journalist by profession, Lisa has written for the Daily Mail and was briefly a News of the World reporter, but made her excuses and left before anyone was imprisoned for phone hacking.
Gloria Grayson’s petulant pooch Baby-Girl is closely based on the book’s cover star, Lisa’s beloved Maltese Dolly-Dog (says Lisa – ‘You couldn’t make her up’). Dolly-Dog won fame on ITV’s Loose Women when she married Sherrie Hewson’s Westie Charlie, in a ceremony officiated by John Barrowman (available on YouTube). The couple split acrimoniously and are currently fighting for custody of a chew toy.
Website ~ http://www.realityrehab.co.uk/
Twitter ~ @BigRealityStar
Praise for Reality Rehab:
‘A sharp and skilfully observed satire that lampoons celebrity culture. The author has worked in TV and is clearly writing about what she knows, with authenticity dripping from each very turn-able page. Enjoy!’ ~ Ben Ando, BBC News Correspondent and Author
‘Even if you have never seen reality TV you will be tickled by Lisa Mary London’s hilarious novel. Get ready to read it and weep with laughter. A great pick-me-up… A Bloody Mary of cheerful reads!’ ~ Deborah Lawrenson, Bestselling Author
‘Could just be the funniest book of the decade’ ~ Rajee Narinesingh, US Reality TV Star.
“I really do defy anyone to read this book and not laugh out loud, and definitely more than once.” ~ ANNE WILLIAMS, ‘Being Anne’ Blog.
“REALITY REHAB has flown to my Number One spot for best comedy novel of 2017.” ~ SUSAN HAMPSON, ‘Books From Dusk Till Dawn’ Blog.